Please sponsor this poor starving child. (Written Wednesday, February 10, 2010)

Quite obviously, the poor girl was starving, despite the two rounds of breakfast half an hour before. And of course the mother, aka 'the lady who get me things' was, God forbid, on the phone. So what does a poor, neglected, starving and awfully self sufficient girl do?

Goes to the pantry, removes a box of weet-bix and empties the entire contents. But don't despair, she emptied them on a plate of course...a dinner plate, which was still in the cupboard on top of the pile of other clean dinner plates, beside the pile of equally clean bowls. She had of course crushed the weet-bix up first to aid in the eating process. Such a clever girl.

The mother on the phone could hear the rustling in the kitchen and had one of those 'do I finish this conversation in the small hope that those sounds are good ones, or abort the conversation and go and investigate a matter I am sure I will not like the ending of'.

The mother finished the conversation...but only after the starving girl waddled into the newly vacuumed lounge room with a bread and butter plate in one hand and a bag of the very expensive muesli in the other, plonked the plate down on the floor and, you guessed it, upended that whole back of very yummy and expensive muesli on the small plate and as you would inevitably expect, all over the newly vacuumed floor.

It was then the mother hung up the phone and remembered why she usually saved phone calls for nap times and regretted putting the cordless phone back on the charger. She also went to look for a child lock for the pantry and looked to the positives - at least the starving girl didn't get as far as the milk.