Then I became a mum

There was once a time when my pots and pans stayed in the cupboard in which they belonged.

There was once a time when I could serve myself a meal and know everything on that plate was mine.

There was once a time when I didn't have to search the whole house for my seive, or ladel or my hairbrush.

There was once a time when I could take the rubbish out without having to first check the bin for household items or toys.

There was once a time I didn't even know the Raggs Kid's Club Band existed, let alone the words to their songs.

There was once a time when I took for granted the blissful luxury of visiting the toilet alone or having a long, hot shower.

There was once a time when I could nip up the street to get milk and not have to pack half the house and wait for a baby to wake first.

Then I became a mum.

Before I was a mum I didn't know that two hours sleep in 20 minute lots was enough to survive on.

As a childless woman I would have balked at the thought of poo and spew and never thought as a mum I wouldn't think twice about walking around for a day with a mysteriously smelling shoulder.

Before I became somebody's mother I couldn't have imagined, nor did I ever think to try, what it feels like to look into your son's eyes only to see your own blue eyes staring back.

I never knew how much time I would spend wondering what someone else was thinking.

Never before had I thought about what it must be like to see everything for the very first time and drink in every piece of information that bothers to pass your senses.

I never thought I could completely sustain another person's life.

I had never spent enough time marvelling at the miracle of a small person walking around who is half me and half my husband and completely themselves all at the same time.

Back when I didn't have to hide in the cupboard to eat a whole chocolate biscuit myself, I was also oblivious to indescribable pleasure of someone kicking you from the inside.

Back when I didn't have to worry about how to get weet bix out of the new rug, I also didn't know how much I could love and how overwhelming that would feel.

Before we became parents, I never appreciated my husband for his caring nature and willingness to love and protect.

When I loved a life where I was always in control, I never realised just how out of control life can get and that sometimes you can't do anything but just roll with the punches.

I never knew that someone else's pain could bring you more hurt than your own.

I used to read passages about mums and never really understood that it was all true, all the love and joy, all the proud moments and tears.  But I also never knew that sometimes it can take a little while for them to ring true - and that's ok.

I never really thought about how much my mum must love me until I thought about how much I love my own child.

Before my shopping list had more baby items than food items, before my walls had chocolate stains and before I had to wash every single day, I never knew how wonderful the world looked through a child's eyes.

I never stopped to think about how fascinating the sky can be or how exciting a trip to the letterbox is, or even how wonderful a handful of stones feels.

I hadn't made up songs for the fun of it or danced around the kitchen like a mad woman.

I didn't know I could cook tea, do a load of washing, make a coffee (and forget to drink it) and vacuum the floor all at the same time, one-handed, with a squirming baby on my hip.

Back when my shoes were always where I left them and watching TV didn't mean trawling through a toybox to find the remote, I didn't know how big a tiny hug could feel or how many hours of fun can be had with a couch cushion.

Back when my husband and I had a whole queen sized bed to ourselves, we never knew how special it could feel to listen to the gentle sighs of our baby sleeping soundly in between us as if he was the safest and most content baby in the whole world.

I never knew it was possible to feel so loved without even being told.

I never gave sweet potato and pumpkin the credit it deserved and never realised how entertaining a game of peek-a-boo can be,

I never thought about how I'd feel the first time I heard the sound of my own child giigling or the emotions that would stir when taking my son for tests.

There was once a time when I thought I knew it all, had felt it all and experienced it all.

Then I became a mum.